You know you drink too much coffee when...

• Juan Valdez named his donkey after you
• you ski uphill
• you speed walk in your sleep
• you answer the door before people knock
• you sleep with your eyes open
• you just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit
• you grind your coffee beans in your mouth
• you have to watch video's in fast-forward
• the only time you're standing still is in an earthquake
• you lick your coffeepot clean
• your eyes stay open when you sneeze
• the nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse
• your T-shirt says, "Decaf is the devil's coffee"
• you can type sixty words a minute with your feet
• all your kids are named "Joe"
• you don't need a hammer to pound nails
• your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet and Low"
• you don't sweat, you percolate
• you've worn out the handles on your favorite mug
• you've built a miniature city out of plastic stirrers
• people get dizzy just watching you
• people can test their batteries in your ears
• when someone asks you," How are you?", you say," Good to the last drop"
• your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil
• you'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison
• you go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee
• you speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson
• your Thermos is on wheels
• you can outlast the Energizer Bunny
• you don't even wait for the water to boil anymore
• you think being called a drip is a compliment
• you don't tan, you roast
• you don't get mad, you get steamed
• you soak your dentures in coffee overnight
• your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London
• you think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation"